At first I thought having a cat as a bubble-buddy would be fun. After all, normally she loves attention and follows me around. She purrs a lot. Sleeps on my lap, watches Netflix, that sort of thing. I thought she would enjoy having me home when I was sick, especially as I am usually out working long hours.

As time passes, however, I am noticing some disconcerting behaviour. She meows loudly, at random periods of the day, most notably (and I add, for a considerable length of time) at 3am. I am subject to random attacks on my ankles as I walk around. Today I came in to a strategically placed projectile vomit (beautifully sun-crusted in front of the window).

It is with a growing sense of unease that I am forced to conclude my feelings toward my choice of bubble-buddy are, in fact, not reciprocated. I should perhaps be a dog person. She is currently curled up on my bed but in the far corner. She is following me with her gaze as I climb into bed. I may sleep with one eye open tonight. Let’s hope I still have them both in the morning.

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