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We have passed day 50 in lockdown.

Tomorrow we find out for sure if we will be able to start coming out of it on Monday. I hope so. It means the numbers are still coming down here.

Plus the cat is starting to dislike me being in her space again. I walk down the hall to make myself a cup of tea and from out of nowhere I get swiped on the ankle by a furry paw. Not even the laxative paste makes up for it. I go to pat her as she lies on the couch grooming and what do I get? Bitten. That’s what.

I am looking forward to being able to go up to 100km again and actually see people in the flesh. It will all still be at least 1m distance until the end of the year. Plus with a new fashion accessory – the mask. This will be us until there is a vaccine or until we eliminate it. This is the new normal for France. So we just have to make the best of it.

I did find a nice park today that I didn’t know about. The weather is warming up. I also rediscovered a cheese I had tried with friends last year. Couldn’t remember its name so I got in touch with my friend who told me the name. Livarot. Stinkiest cheese on the planet next to roquefort. Said I’d find it in any gourmet cheese shop in the city. As luck would have it, I also discovered there is one in my village. Stinky cheese under my arm.

Next is to learn a couple of other european languages. And I don’t mean Excel. Excel is a computer language. That I detest. Although I am proud to have mastered =IFS and VLOOKUP. I am now the VLOOKUP queen. It petrified me before. Couldn’t work it out. All those brackets and semi-colons and counting columns. Now the force is with me.

Still waiting to hear when we are going back to work. So sorry cat. You are going to have to put up with me a little while longer.

Excel is apparently a really useful spreadsheeting software.

I’ve used it at a relatively basic level for years. Now I finally have the opportunity to enhance my skills in it, which I will absolutely need for work. I must do it. I must. It will help with my tax return too. Really, it will. I must do that too. Strangely these are the last two things on my list of things that I’ve “always wanted to do but never had the time.” Right up there with re-arranging the kitchen and tidying the shopping bag and recycling cupboard.

I have largely re-balanced my private life and chakras. Yoga practice re-started, my muscles are still complaining but I am determined. My swiss ball has arrived and I am dutifully doing some exercises every couple of days. I have found some time for learning other european languages. I have relegated baguettes and wine to weekends only. I know not to drink disinfectant or bleach to kill coronavirus. Instead, I’ve drunk turmeric-laced green smoothies for breakfast, and eaten so much quinoa, lentils, nuts, seeds and salads that my colon is positively humming.

Even the cat has taken to her paraffin oil now that I have bought a new variety disguised in a meat-flavoured paste. She can’t get enough of it, licks it off my finger. Our bowels are functioning correctly. Stools the shape of perfect sausages that would make Dr Libby proud (see https://www.drlibby.com if you basically want to change your life).

I just need to balance my work life and better manage my workplace wellbeing. On reflecting, I know that one thing that will make a big difference will be to be really proficient in Excel, and fast. Also, I need to organise better my work key result areas. I have now been handed a gift in the opportunity to be able to work from home and finally concentrate on these tasks.

It is a long weekend this weekend in France. A public holiday today May 1st where the tradition is to give women a sprig of muguet (lily of the valley) for happiness and good luck. The tradition originated in 1561 when the flower was given to King Charles IX as a lucky charm. He decided to offer the flower to all the ladies from then on. Although being just 12 years old at the time, I’m not sure how much of a lucky charm for him it really was. Particularly given he died 11 years later of tuberculosis.

I digress.

Excel. Must. Do. Excel. Must. Do. Tax. Return.

The sun is shining outside but everything is closed. The apartment is sparkling clean. Ooh, yes, I must go and put another load of washing on. Then Excel. I promise.

“In May do what pleases you” (Ed’s note: while safely respecting at least 1m and preferably in the confines of your own home)

https://www.standaard.be/cnt/dmf20200430_04940871

This little gem arrived in the Belgium news. I just love Jacinda’s reaction to the journalist who keeps persisting for a comment on drinking bleach and disinfectant.

Arrived at work and found out we would largely be working from home until further notice. So at day 43 I will be experiencing teletravail (work from home). The cat may or may not be amused by this. There is much uncertainty at the moment, so it’s day by day.

The Government’s big proposed deconfinement plan was announced today. Its overarching philosophy is that we must learn to live with the virus until there is a vaccine because we can’t stay locked down for ever.

It will only happen on 11 May if we dutifully stick to the existing measures in place until then, and if the rates continue to fall. Otherwise we stay in lockdown. Basically, we get to dip a toe in but if anything bites it we’ll snap back into confinement. A bit like a turtle who thought they might poke their head out to sniff for some food only to be greeted by a skunk who also thought they might sniff for a bit of roast turtle brain.

Businesses get to re-open but everyone is supposed to work from home as much as possible for the next three weeks. Business-owners can refuse entry to people not wearing a mask. Masks will be compulsory on public transport and at work (if we have to go in). No restaurants or cafes but this will be re-assessed at the end of May.

Younger school students get to go back bit by bit, particularly in the areas least affected, along with high school students in those areas. Other schools will have to wait until June. I think parents must still be pretty happy, teachers not so much. They have to wear masks.

Massive testing regime (700,000 tests a week planned) about to start for anyone presenting with symptoms. Currently only the cases that end up in hospital are tested, so our actual COVID count is probably about 10 x higher than what is reported.

Happiness of happiness, the markets get to re-open so long as they can put in place social distancing measures. It will be up to the local mayors to decide.

Sadness of sadness we are still restricted to travel within our own areas. We’re able to travel up to 100km without the written declaration. Only able to go more than 100km for an essential reason related to work or family. Even worse, each department will be mapped according to how badly they have been affected, and assigned as red or green accordingly. Those who are green will have less deconfinement restrictions. Those in the red will have much stricter measures in place, though we don’t know what they are. Of course, I live in the worst-affected department.

At least we’re coming out of lockdown I guess. Just have to cross my fingers that everyone in the country behaves properly over the next couple of weeks.

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