Today an order of long-awaited much-needed masks for France was TAKEN OFF THE PLANE ON THE RUNWAY in China because someone (hint he’s orange with a bad haircut) paid three times the price so they would be sent to the US. No masks for us.

The masks that we do have are in trucks waiting to be delivered and are being guarded by french armed police to avoid being stolen. I kid you not.

Then, I discover that pharmacies etc ordering masks are getting scammed. Yes, that’s right – there are people MAKING UP that they have masks for sale when they don’t, and just taking the money. Who are these people? WTAF?! Slimepoghosebeests.

PS The cat has settled down. I took her for a walk so all is well.

At first I thought having a cat as a bubble-buddy would be fun. After all, normally she loves attention and follows me around. She purrs a lot. Sleeps on my lap, watches Netflix, that sort of thing. I thought she would enjoy having me home when I was sick, especially as I am usually out working long hours.

As time passes, however, I am noticing some disconcerting behaviour. She meows loudly, at random periods of the day, most notably (and I add, for a considerable length of time) at 3am. I am subject to random attacks on my ankles as I walk around. Today I came in to a strategically placed projectile vomit (beautifully sun-crusted in front of the window).

It is with a growing sense of unease that I am forced to conclude my feelings toward my choice of bubble-buddy are, in fact, not reciprocated. I should perhaps be a dog person. She is currently curled up on my bed but in the far corner. She is following me with her gaze as I climb into bed. I may sleep with one eye open tonight. Let’s hope I still have them both in the morning.

 Thermometers have arrived. These can be a double-edged sword. Either they can serve to reassure as one of the primary symptoms is fever, or they’ll send people into a panic. There was talk of taking people’s temperatures via drone but I think you’ll agree that could be awkward. The other gem was to put popcorn kernels up your bottom. If they popped out popcorn then you’ve probably got a fever and should get yourself tested. That said, if you’re wont to putting popcorn kernels up your bum you should probably be getting assessed anyway.