With the fridge on the blink and no hot meals at work I’ve been eating way too many baguettes. My waistline is complaining. I decided to take myself in hand. After all, in NZ I was a gym bunny, kickboxer and kale smoothie drinker. Somehow in France my diet has switched to cheese, baguette, steak tartar, and full meals with butter and cream base. Plus those damn patisseries do the most delicious cream donuts and custard squares.

No. I am not going to focus on the existential angst that is daily COVID conversation and isolation. I am using this lockdown as an opportunity to reset. My apartment is so virtuously clean the Mother Mary would be impressed. I am on Day 7 of a Deepak Chopra abundance online meditation group where I am experiencing higher consciousness – well more often than before. Sort of.

Even the cat will be part of the new regime. So far she is not so enamoured with her teaspoon of paraffin oil on her meat to help her bowels. Nor does she like going for a walk on her lead with me. Of course I look like a total gimpwoddle walking a cat on a lead, but the frenchies just politely smile.

Anyhow today I thought I’d make gluten-free bread with 43 varieties of nuts and seeds. Plus muffins with grated beetroot, shaved tree bark and strained dandelion. It will be cleansing and energy giving.

Off to the supermarket and there were approximately 3 out of the 27 ingredients needed available. Not a chia seed in sight. No one was panic-buying them, they just didn’t exist. The best I could do was lentil and cauliflower to make dhal. The cat gave me a smug look, daring me to eat more dhal for my bowels.

Thank God the patisserie was open. I grabbed a baguette and a really sublime large macaron filled with fresh raspberries and cream. I congratulated myself for my fruit intake. Reminded myself that I also have all the ingredients for cinnamon scrolls. This is going to be a long lockdown.

Today France officially surpassed China in the number of (tested) Covid cases. We’re number 5 in the world behind Germany, Italy, Spain and the US, with 89000 cases, a whopping 7000 added just today. We had the most deaths today, beating out US with 1053 deaths to their 943. Of course the US is doing it better at #1 with over 300, 000 cases. Not that this is a competition.

It is actually reassuring to check out the stats on worldometers.info . This is what you’ll be told: There have been 1 193 776 cases in the world. 883 371 are still active of which 841305 (95%) are mild and the rest serious. Even though the hospitals are saturated it’s good to know the chances of needing them are low.

The biggest worry of today was how to get the fridge fixed in a lockdown. It has chosen the perfect moment to go on the blink just as I made a large pot of chakra-enhancing dhal. Fortunately the freezer still works, just not the fridge. If anyone knows of an online fridge-fixing business let me know. Otherwise I’ll be forced to eat chips.

The thing about the culture here is they love to dissect every issue that arises – Gilet Jaunes, train strikes, the pension reform and now of course Covid 19.

This means that every channel will have a panel show analysing every detail for hours, or grilling/replaying government messages, or in-the-moment-ground-zero documentaries, usually in the hospitals. And it is awful.

If there’s anyone who thinks NZ locked down too quickly and too severely, maybe this’ll help explain why you are all going insane at home.

I told you about the masks yesterday. Well it gets worse. They don’t have enough hospital protective gowns either so they’re ordering cycling protective gear because apparently that’s just as good. I am trying not to worry that the hospitals in my area are at saturation point. I can’t imagine the psychological effects on the doctors who have to decide day in day out who gets the last ventilator and who doesn’t. There aren’t enough ventilators.

I’m trying not to think about the fact that I go out every day using public transport to get to work. That I’m in a neighbourhood where people are getting tired of the rules and are starting not to follow them. I’m trying not to think of the people I know with Covid or suspected Covid. I’m trying to stay calm and not give in to fear.

Most importantly I’m trying not to think about the fact that 15 minutes from where I live an empty warehouse has been converted into a morgue. Or that the hospitals are so full they have made the TGVs (high speed trains) into medical trains and are using them to transport patients to hospitals in other less affected regions. Everyone in hospital is alone, loved ones are not allowed to visit.

I am wanting to stay positive, remain calm and say that we’ll all get through this. A box of masks arrived today. It was a moment of great joy. Funny memes still circulate, particularly about masks given the massive shortage. They still make me laugh. I’m in touch with family and friends in NZ every day. There is a work email group dedicated to laughter to lighten us up during the weekend. It works.

A big shout-out to all the healthcare workers. From what I have seen on tv (and yes they’re only showing the worst because it makes for good tv – don’t watch it) they are amazing. They’re getting sick too. Some are dying. Others are recovering and getting back on the job. Brilliant people. I am glad you locked down early NZ. You don’t want this.